Let us Scream
I do not know about you, but there are moments that I passionately communicate my thoughts and feelings. Ok, let’s be honest- I’m screaming. Passionately communicating your thoughts and feelings (aka Screaming) can be both invigorating and relaxing to our system. However, many of us do not appreciate the noise and the feelings that we are programmed to feel with screaming.
Typically, I’m not a screamer by nature, but man— there are times that I elevate my voice. Being from a family of screamers, I’ve always found the volumes bothered me. This caused me to vow to not pick up this trait! As fate would have it, the trait passed down to my child. Why did this have to haunt me! Fortunately for me, my child loves to express himself in the loudest and most dramatic ways possible. As a parent, my natural reaction is to ask him to stop yelling and to use a quieter tone. This is the right way to parent right? Over time, I felt my personal volume rising (and frustration honestly) as I worked to correct this behavior. Then it hit me... most of these screams are due to frustrations linked to development. Not just your normal frustrations (of course all of the normal kid things are included), but the ones from trying to accomplish things. My child is a determined person by nature and tries to attempt things that I deem impossible. There are many times that he shocks me with what he accomplishes, but I’ve learned that comes from his insane amount if persistence (Thank you spectrum. This will benefit him as an adult)! After realizing this I had to ask myself a few questions:
Wait-Am I reacting to him correctly?
Am I impending his power to release?
Am I teaching him to internalize stress?
The answer is—- well yea, I kinda am.
At 3:45 am one morning, I woke up with the realization that I have to change the way I internalize screaming. Although the noise bothers me, it is important for my child and all humans to scream. Screaming has many amazing benefits (if used properly of course) and I must teach him to use this skill appropriately.
Many of us constantly work hard to control our need to yell. However, screaming can be an amazing tool to let tension and stress leave our bodies. It also provides us with the ability to access parts of the brain that give us intense relaxation and completing a difficult task. From my observations and interactions with vibrant screamers, many of them reach a relaxation state and return to their normal activities faster (than non-screamers) after the episode ends. The rates of internalization appear to be less after an episode and the person appears to be happier and function better than their counterpart. This probably explains why passionate people live a little longer and look younger. Hmm...there are primal intelligences to this screaming— right?
Now that I think of it, young children teach us how to use screaming appropriately. Have you ever noticed how “free” children appear? Well, many of them use screaming to release their frustration as they learn new skills and become independent, HELLO toddlerhood. Though this fact stresses the adults around them, it provides the child with skills to regulate their stress appropriately. Why do we deem this as not socially acceptable? Now, I’m not implying that people just release these emotions loudly during every second of the day, but I do feel that we must scream when our bodies tell us to do so.
How to use screaming-
Happiness/Excitement-
Many people yell and scream when then play a sport, get promoted, find out that they won, agree to marry someone, graduate etc. This reaction works well! Screaming helps us truly connect with this positive instance and provides us with fulfillment. Please, by all means scream from your core during these situations.
Anger/Frustration/Irritation/Unhappiness-
There are many socially acceptable ways to scream and release your tension. Do not bottle up these feelings, it will cause damaging effects in the long run. Please scream.
Rules:
1.) Make sure that you scream about a “situation” not AT a person.
2.) Have a dedicated safe area to scream.
3.) Dig deep, scream from your stomach- let that tension out!
4.) After you’ve released, it’s now time to enter into a relaxation activity.
Screaming does prove to be a tool that we all should use. Balance is key! Teach yourself and your children the importance of screaming and ways to use it appropriately. Embrace your body’s natural relaxation tool. Let’s all be healthy screamers together!