Therapist strength to walk away
WALKING AWAY.... this is an oxymoron for me. As a therapist I have been taught that I should work through adversity in order to successfully solve issues for both myself and my clients. What happens if things go too far? Do you fight for things longer than you should? Do you work to rehab situations that are too far gone? Boundary setting is a HUGE lesson that we tend to give to people around us, but how do we (the therapist) input healthy boundaries? Truthfully, I notice that many therapists struggle to walk away from negative situations due to wanting to “fix” and rehab people/situations. Therapists are supposed to help people become a better version of themselves right? Right! However, we must know when to reduce our efforts and walk away.
Bad relationships
Many helping professionals find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships. These relationships are with significant others, family members and friends. We do well to stay away from the physical abuse, but many of us are manipulated and treated horribly. I know that many therapists wait patiently for changes to occur and have an innate want to “heal” this person and rehab them to a better place. I believe that this is a result of issues that therapists have within themselves. I’ve had the opportunity to meet and work with many therapists that struggle with past relationships and carry their own insecurities into these new relationships. It is important for therapists to be sure to “pour wellness” into themselves so that they can spend time building self-esteem and self-worth. Building these things will help therapists recognize negative relationships and avoid them. It also teaches them to have healthier boundaries with people that do not treat them well. After trying over and over again, you must walk away from these situations!
Difficult clients
It is the job of a therapist to meet a client, help them process their situation and learn skills to manage difficulties in their lives. For the most part, our clients are willing to work with us and learn techniques that will help them improve their lives. Willing clients make our therapeutic lives easier and help us feel productive/helpful. Unfortunately, there are clients that do not take the therapeutic process seriously nor see the benefits that they will receive from counseling. How do you, the therapist, process this information? When do you have the courage to walk away from these situations? Here are a few cues to help you make this decision.
1.)If you spend a lot of time talking with a client, providing them with techniques/ solutions and they do not respond, it may be time to move towards rerouting them to another therapist.
2.) If the client does not seem invested in therapy nor appears to want change in their lives, take the time to have a progress conversation and refer them out.
3.) A client that does not seem to enjoy your presence and will just not “click” with you,
4.) A client that does not respect your schedule
5.) Al client that does not have appropriate boundaries.
If you, the therapist, battle with a client that exhibits one or more of the cues, you will really need to spend time assessing the benefit that you provide to the client. It will be important for you to have a valid assessment. If you decide that your therapeutic relationship will not grow productively with the client, you have the ability to refer them to another therapist. If the client does not seem open to therapy, allow yourself to end the relationship and encourage them to return to therapy at a later date.
Hard jobs
Many therapists that I know are overworked, over tired and run out of empathy for others by 5 pm. This tends to come from the amount of pressure and transference we receive from our clients. Unfortunately, I do know many therapists that have returned to college to become lawyers, doctors and other professionals because they become worn out with the day to day emotions. I believe that this is a result of the style of work that they have to do and the lack of pay associated with the stress. There are many agencies/therapy offices out there that work therapists into the ground and play on their empathic personalities to keep working these therapists! This is not fair people!!! If you are a therapist, that has a super high caseload, struggles to keep up with your emotional life, and your finances (Due to the pay)- something has to change. If you have a negative boss that throws more and more on you— something has to change. If you become overly irritated with clients and cannot find an ounce of energy for them— something has to change! You either need to take a vacation, or yup, you hear it... “Walk Away!” There are other jobs out there that will help you achieve your therapeutic goals and help you to stay healthy. You do not need to destroy yourself mentally for your job.
Bad habits
Well—- what can I say. We all have bad habits. It is important to find ways to rid yourself of these bad habits! Right??? Of course! But, how easy is it to rid ourselves of these habits as therapists? Many therapists use their bad habits to cope with the stress of their jobs, prevent burnout or to mask issues that they have in their own lives. With this being said, how do we fulfill this? .... Well you all know the answer! Time and titration. As a therapist, you have to practice what you preach!!! Create a plan and slowly work towards getting rid of the bad habits! You deserve too and it will benefit you, your family and your clients.
Walking away from negative situations will be an important skill to use during your therapeutic career. It will help you continue your work without losing passion for it. You will be a much better therapist, parent, lover, planner etc by having the courage to walk away. Assess your boundaries and lifestyle so that you can move forward!